


Killing Me Softly

by Elendil_Anduril



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, F/M, May continue?, One-Sided Relationship, Pining, Sorry Not Sorry, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-29
Updated: 2017-01-29
Packaged: 2018-09-20 15:02:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9497246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elendil_Anduril/pseuds/Elendil_Anduril
Summary: Solas loved Luthien Lavellan. He had felt it for a long time. The elf had risen up above Chantry, Grey Wardens, and Corypheus and was reshaping the world. If only she could have been his. If only...





	

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, I suck at summaries, especially this one. This is another one of my thought experiments and I hope it goes over well!!! I'm nervous as heck over this and I hope you will enjoy!

Falling leaves and sunshine. 

Soft earth and blackberries. 

Soft waves of raven tresses cascading over lean shoulders. Lavender eyes always bright with silver accents. Whether those eyes were drawn to a book or the plants in her garden, a flash of curiosity and wonder that seemed to reflect from those irises. 

Every time she stepped into his rotunda at Skyhold, his world became a little bit brighter. She always seemed to have lithe hop to her step, highlighting her energy and happiness.

He remembered the first time he had laid eyes upon her, limp and dying from the Anchor that threatened to devour her. The Breach was open, pouring out demons into the world of living. The elven girl was young, no more than twenty years of age, pale and withered. Her soft lips gray against ashen skin, lashes low over full cheeks. If he hadn’t felt her spirit still lingering in the small frame, he would have mistook her as a statue, carved of living stone. 

But her spirit prevailed, holding on as he separated her body from the Anchor. Even as weak as she was, she pulled the Breach to a close, stopping the outpour of demons from it, but even her strength was nothing against the Breach, and it still remained afterward. 

He had worried that her body wouldn’t make it after the first attempt to close the Breach. But she was determined, even through the zealots calling her the “Herald of Andraste” and the Inquisition shaping her into a woman who would shake the very foundations of Thedas. She was brave, facing demons, nobles, rifts, corrupted templars, Venatori, whatever that was thrown her way. A lesser woman would have hardened, becoming a shell of the child of nature she was before. 

But she always held that smile, one that he returned often. Her smile could melt even the hardest noble; her kindness always stronger than her armies’ reach, caring for the injured and weak. She worked tirelessly in her garden, cultivating herbs and creating potions to give to the infirmary. She scaled the walls of Haven, then later of Skyhold, to venture out beyond to explore. She would lay on rooftops gazing at the stars above. 

She held her friends close and was fierce against any enemy who would dare to hurt them. No one was left by the wayside. She and Sera would bake and place pranks through out the grounds to liven the soldiers’ moods. She would spar with her gleaming daggers with the Iron Bull and Cassandra (at time even reading smutty literature with the hardened Seeker), woodwork with Blackwall. Varric would always read her any new stories he was penning. She would even allow Vivienne to dress her up in the latest fashions, Josephine watching and nodding her affirmation of a new cloth or piece, and Dorian would share his wine in the library. Even Cole was drawn to her, aiding her in planting and tending her small garden. 

He treasured the moments with her, pouring over tomes about the Fade, listening intently on his experiences in the Fade. She never came off as in-genuine; she always ate up any information, eyes flashing with intelligence when they would come to an interesting topic or something unknown. To him, she was invincible. 

In all his years on Thedas, he had never came across someone like her. The ages passed and he slowly became unaffected by the world around him. So, he slipped into the Fade, finding more for him there than the real world. Even when he determined to leave and restore the Elves, he was never taken for surprise at the people around him. They seemed to him to be in a trance, following the same lives as those before them in a never ending dance of mediocrity. Nothing fascinated him, nothing interested him. The world lost its luster when the Veil separated the Fade and Thedas, and much of its beauty was lost to him. 

She was the beauty that had been lost to him. He was endlessly surprised by her, her fire, her passion, her drive, her grace. Just her.

 

Luthien. 

 

He loved her. 

He knew that he loved her when she, with no second-guessing or unwillingness, came to his aid to save his friend from the Fade. His thanks was not half-hearted when she so openly offered her help. When it all said and done -his friend turned to a demon and, with the help of Luthien, killed for her sake, Luthien was by his side. She never wavered, she never balked. She stood for freedom and equality of all, regardless of race or belief. Any who opposed to the those ideals faced her wrath. 

Ironically, as she rushed out to save Thedas, striving to rescue it from itself and from Corypheus for all those she held dear, he was ultimately going against her. He knew his plan. He could not stray. 

 

For he was Fen'harel. 

The Dread Wolf. 

 

If only he could have made her his. He craved her love as a Templar thirsted for lyrium. He yearned for her soft lips to brush against his, dark lashes cast low over her almond shaped lilac eyes, pressing close with her lean muscular body, words of sweet nothings spilling under her breath. But he stayed his hand, settling to keep his feelings a secret. Settling for friendship, even though he hungered something more. 

 

Months passed and they remained close. She would constantly converse with him about Rifts and the Fade, eating up every word he gave.The friendship was easy, it was comfortable. It was easy to imagine her gazes and smiles being of love, but he knew it was only his imaginings.

Slowly, he began to watch her be drawn to another. It began slowly, her passing through his sanctuary, pausing to inquire on his day, that beautiful smile gracing her cheeks. Her amethyst eyes would dazzle, but he grew to know that it wasn’t meant for him. She would turn, waving her farewell, as she bounced toward the battlements. To him. 

It ate at him to see the Commander Cullen and her walk side by side, him gazing at her as if she were the sun. Luthien should have been his, not the Commander’s. But even when the toxic thought entered his mind, he shook it off. Luthien was not his and would never be. He knew the Commander felt the same. Luthien was her own person, giving her heart on her own accord.  
Cullen was a good man, and if it had been anyone else besides Luthien, Solas would have agreed that the Commander would have been a fine choice for any woman to have. He was solid and loyal, fierce in his protection and focus, but also bashful and sweet. Solas knew he would never force himself on her. He was a gentleman, a knight of old in a time that had forgotten such chivalry. 

Luthien seemed to be drawn to him, worrying for him as he suffered through lyrium withdrawal. She would bring herbs and potions for him to ease his pain, and Solas yearned for that care. He would watch her walk by with bottles or books, heading to the Commander’s tower, and each time his heart broke little by little. 

For he knew he was losing her. 

 

Then, one night, she passed through yet again as he sat in his armchair reading a tome, awaiting her usual glib inquiry about the contents of the book. But this time she only acknowledged him briefly. There was a gleam in her eye that night. 

It had been after Adamant. The Inquisition faced the betrayed Grey Wardens, losing many soldiers. Luthien narrowly escaped the Fade with himself, Varric, the Iron Bull, Hawke, and the Grey Warden Alistair. It had been a very trying time, and it wore on her. The sacrifice of Hawke and the many dead Inquisition and Grey Warden forces weighed on her. He could tell by the deep purple circles that marred her creamy skin under her eyes. Something changed. She seemed more determined, more resolute. She passed him that night, moving toward the battlements and that place he knew she was heading to.

When he entered the Fade that night, he found what he feared most. The Fade reflects the real world, bending the real world to the feelings of those who inhabited it. 

He found her… With Cullen. There in his tower, on his desk, in his bed. Her soft moans and gasps driving sharp daggers into his heart. 

It was love. True, unrelenting love. 

Solas felt it with every fiber of his being. Her love for Cullen saturated the Fade, bleeding into the Void around them. He felt her desperation, fearing she could lose Cullen at any moment. Spirits of love flooded to the region, soaking up the emotions of the couple. Cullen was the same, but his love was rich and deep, his feeling of inadequacy and awe of her love tore at Solas. Of course Cullen felt this way for he was not worthy of her love. 

She should have been his. 

When gasps and moans of love turned to screams of each other’s names and lust-filled groans, crescendoing to their own climaxes, Solas could take it no longer. He awoke in a rage, gasping and panting. Sweat broke out on his brow. He immediately tore off out of the castle and into the frigid air of the Frostbacks. Sucking in the icy air into his lungs, he felt his heart cleave. 

He had lost her. He knew in his heart that she was now with Cullen, she had bound her soul to his, and he the same. 

He was shocked to feel tears welling in his eyes and they ran paths down his cheeks. He could not remember a time when he had last cried. It had been many many years. 

His palms covering his face, he fell to his knees against the stone walls of the battlements, utterly racked with powerful emotions he was powerless against. Hope died. Love ended. She destroyed his heart. 

No- that was unfair. She had never given any indication that she wanted more from him outside of friendship. And she had been a true friend. Honestly, the truest friend he had beyond spirits. He had willingly given his heart to her. 

She just hadn't returned hers to him.

He had not noticed before, but he had led himself to the bridge that stretched to the outer walls of Skyhld. The Commander’s tower loomed above Solas, the moon casting it’s long shadow over him. He drew his eyes to the tower and in its upmost window, a weak light leaked through the night around it. He knew she was there, with him. Him holding her in his arms, their legs tangled together, hearts filled to the brim with love. 

His chest felt of stone, and he took that feeling and held onto it. 

It was better this way. He knew what had to be done. Regardless of his feelings for her, he couldn’t let that get in the way. He had to destroy the Veil, restore the world of the Elvhen. Finish what he began so many ages ago. If that meant the end of this world, so be it. 

If it meant the end of her… So be it.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you thought about this! Let me be the first to say, I can't stand Solas. Couldn't stand his egg-shaped head. My sister would kill me saying that (she's a huuuge solamancer), but he gets on my nerves. In the game, I was always too nice to him because I can't stand it when even video game characters don't like me, but when I watch YouTube videos of the different paths you can take, I always get a huge kick out of the punching Solas scene. Sooo satisfying. 
> 
> So, you're probably wondering if I can't stand Solas so much, why write in his point of view? I don't know... Maybe it was because I thought that being an elf and getting super chummy with him, he would begin to have feelings for her. Maybe not, but it was interesting to explore. 
> 
> Also, I hope I wrote the Fade justice. I may have bent the rules a little on the reflecting the world, but I thought of when Solas takes the Inquisitor to the fade and how vivid it was to real life. Any constructive criticism is welcome if it seemed wonky. 
> 
> I may continue this? I have some thoughts on how to at least have another chapter, not sure if there's much more to tell beyond that. This is very experimental for me and I really want to know what y'all think! Thank you so much for reading!!!
> 
> PS- I'm sorry for the cringy elf name. Lord of the Rings is my life, and in honor of the upcoming book "Luthien and Beren", I couldn't help but give my elven Inquisitor's name Luthien. In my opinion, the best female character in Middle Earth. (Aaaand... she fell in love with a man... just sayin’)


End file.
